I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
