I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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