there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
