my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
