Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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