Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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