Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
