You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
