Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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