Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
