You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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