I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
