His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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