So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
