honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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