we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
