My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Its about making memories worth repressing
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
