happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
