OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
