....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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