I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
