Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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