You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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