The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
