I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
