3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
