I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
