but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
