the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
