ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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