Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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