Nicole vs. Life
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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