I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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