nut hugger
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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