I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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