my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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