Buhtt sex?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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