so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We just shotgunned beers for America
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
