I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
