Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Actions speak louder than pants.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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