There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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