I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
