Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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