i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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