Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
