My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
