hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
