we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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