all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
