he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
