If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
